The Skeptic's Horoscope (12 signs)
Twelve hand-lettered horoscope cards, one per zodiac sign, each a skeptical joke about astrology: statistics, vague predictions, causation, base rates, and a number trick.
Use this cartoon
Free for classrooms, worksheets, slides and other non-commercial use under CC BY-NC 4.0, with credit to Ben Orlin.
Cartoon by Ben Orlin, Math with Bad Drawings. https://cartoons.mathwithbaddrawings.com/2014-11-12-the-skeptic-s-horoscope/ (CC BY-NC 4.0)Transcript
Aries: "Today, your lucky numbers are statistically indistinguishable from your unlucky ones. Sorry about that."
Taurus: "You see facets of yourself in any personality description, no matter how vague and content-less."
Gemini: "Abstract, indefinite predictions about your future will continue to work as self-fulfilling prophesies. Like this one."
Cancer: "If you receive a great opportunity, take it. If you receive a lousy opportunity, don't. (Did you really need me to spell that out for you?)"
Leo: "You struggle to identify causal relationships in life, leaving you susceptible to the dubious explanatory frameworks offered by astrologers like me."
Virgo: "Today, you'll question the very idea of horoscopes after wondering whether this description can really apply to all 600 million people who happen to share your sign."
Libra: "The stars have aligned for you! I mean, not all the stars, but a few. And the line's not totally straight, but hey, they're stars. You want them to move trillions of miles just to send you coded messages?"
Scorpio: "Today is a good day for romance. Or travel. Or jelly doughnuts. In other words, it's pretty much like every day."
Sagittarius: "Take a number. Square it. Subtract one. Divide by one less than your original number. Subtract one again. You should have your original number. How do I know? 'tis written in the stars!"
Capricorn: "According to the site '102 Goat Facts,' you are a seasonal breeder with excellent night vision and a lifespan of 8 to 12 years. Enjoy your brief but beautiful time on Earth!"
Aquarius: "I would tell you your future, but then you'd alter it. So just rest assured: everything that happens today, I saw coming."
Pisces: "Crossing the street today, you'll see a blue Honda Civic, license plate WHA 398, driven by a beautiful twentysomething in a grey bandana. This is your one true love. (I mean, this probably won't happen to anybody, but if it does, that person will think I'm a genius wizard.)"