If Math Wrote Letters

[1] "Dear Economics, Don't get me wrong; I'm flattered by your affections. But don't you want to… y'know… gather some data? Instead of taking my word for everything? –Math"

[2] "Dear Congress, Hello! I just wanted to introduce myself. I don't believe we've met. –Math"

[3] "Dear Students, Don't be scared of me! I'm just a mysterious governing understructure to the universe, an amoral and powerful force beyond your control! See? Nothing to fear! –Math"

[4] "Dear Physics, Look, some of the things you've done to me are beyond forgiveness. But I know in my heart we belong together. Are you as confused by this love as I am? –Math"

[5] "Dear Computer Science, It's just me, checking in — you know, the silly old discipline that birthed and raised you. Haven't heard from you in a while… But I know you're busy remaking human existence and all. Missing you, Math"

[6] "Dear High-Stakes Standardized Tests, I know you're doing all this in my name and everything, but for the love of all that is Euler's, please stop. You've done enough damage already. –Math"

[7] "Dear Poetry, I'm always pleased when people compare us. But… do you think it's because we're both beautiful? Or both esoteric? Worried, Math"

[8] "Dear Human Behavior, So I guess you're ultimately just biology, which is ultimately just chemistry, which is ultimately just physics, so I should understand you perfectly… but you confuse the living wits out of me. –Math"

[9] "Dear Person Trying to Convince Yourself that an Extravagant Purchase Will 'Pay for Itself,' I'm afraid I have some bad news. –Math"

[10] "Dear Textbooks, When I agreed to be profiled, I was expecting an honest portrait, not a character assassination. You make me seem like a monster! –Math"