Literature's Greatest Opening Lines, as Written by Mathematicians

[1] A Tale of Two Cities: 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.' becomes 'The times were high-variance.'

[2] Anna Karenina: 'Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.' becomes 'Up to isomorphism, there is only one happy family.'

[3] Moby Dick: 'Call me Ishmael.' becomes 'Suppose Ishmael.'

[4] Pride and Prejudice: 'It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.' becomes 'Theorem: Wealthy bachelors are lonely.'

[5] Cat's Eye: 'Time is not a line but a dimension, like the dimensions of space.' becomes 'Consider ℝ⁴.'

[6] The Metamorphosis: Gregor Samsa waking up as an enormous insect becomes 'M[person] = bug. M non-invertible.'

[7] 1984: 'It was a bright cold day, and the clocks were striking thirteen' becomes '…and the clocks were not mod 12.'

[8] Middlemarch: Miss Brooke's beauty 'thrown into relief by poor dress' becomes a great proof whose bad notation just shows how great it is.

[9] Peter Pan: 'All children, except one, grow up.' becomes 'Not all children grow up.'