The SI Unit for Cuteness

[1] "Aww. What a sweet dog. There should be an SI unit for cuteness." "There is. Cute as a button."

[2] "Isn't that just an expression?" "Yes, in the same sense that 'wait one second' is an expression. Still a real unit."

[3] "How is it defined?" "1 Button is the cuteness of a standard button; the benchmark is in a vault in Hamburg." [A button labeled "1 Button"]

[4] "And something super cute is what, a kilobutton?" "No, no! The opposite!"

[5] "A 1000x button would be much less cute. For greater cuteness, you want smaller buttons." [The dog on its leash]

[6] Table, Unit / Example: 1 Button (10⁰): garden-variety dog · 1 centiButton (10⁻²): baby in sloth costume · 1 milliButton (10⁻³): pygmy marmoset · 1 microButton (10⁻⁶): puppy wearing cape · 1 nanoButton (10⁻⁹): penguins hugging · 1 picoButton (10⁻¹²): baby gorilla and baby orangutan riding baby elephant while waving tiny flags that say "Yay Friendship" · 1 femtoButton (10⁻¹⁵): [theorized by Pixar; not yet observed] · 1 Planck Button (10⁻³⁵): cutest thing allowable under the standard model of physics

[7] "Wow! So large numbers of Buttons signify…" "The opposite. Uncute things."

[8] Table, Unit / Example: 1 kilobutton (10³): sponsored content · 1 megabutton (10⁶): the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius · 1 gigabutton (10⁹): the U.S. Senate · 1 terabutton (10¹²): [redacted so as not to sap all joy from your life]

[9] "Of course, we usually use a negative log scale, so that 10⁻⁷ buttons is described as '7.'"

[10] "Is that what it means to call someone 'a 10'?" "No, no. That's not cuteness, that's hotness, which is totally subjective and nonscientific."